Young and Selfish (And Proud of It)

I just made myself a TypePad account. We’ll see how that works out.

So I am finally back home. The last few days in Finland passed without much ever happening, but I did do a lot of thinking about why it is so difficult for me to write even though I love it with all my heart, and I think I found the answer: maybe I just don’t have enough to say (yet).

I’m young and stupid and naive. I read books too fast, make decisions too quickly, base my opinions on too little information. (I’m pretty sure I do it better than a lot of people my age, but there is definitely room for improvement.) I’m egoistic and like to talk about myself (see what I mean?). I have a vague idea about what I want to do and an even vaguer idea about how I am going to do it, yet I am frightened of the enormity of the task before me. The world in general scares me shitless sometimes, because I know I will have to take it on one day. Take on the world. How the hell am I supposed to do that?

I’m reading Orwell’s 1984 right now.

I’m also out of tea.

I have thoughts, but am afraid to put them out there because of the fear of them sounding immature.

I need a father, but I will never have one. That’s just the way life is. It really is time I got over it.

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Sleepy in Lohja

Soooooo tired. Somehow this day feels longer than it is. The whole morning just seemed to drag on, but I hadn’t seen nothing yet – the afternoon was even worse. It dragged on worse than half solid syrup. And now I’m thinking about going to bed (well, I’m basically on my bed, but not in my bed clothes and not ready to go to sleep yet) but not doing it. Life is fun.

I hate money.

It makes things so complicated.

I also hate my fingers for failing to type half of the words correctly the first time round. I have to keep going back to correct myself.

I just tweeted about being in Finland. I’m in Finland. At Katrin’s place. It’s pretty cool. Waaay out of Helsinki. A little quiet, though. Weird.

Well, now I really think I’m going to bed. To sleep, not type in it.

Night.

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