Frustration

I feel like I’m at the head of a new start, but I have no idea where I’m going. The thing is, I know I’m going somewhere, because this doesn’t feel like a standstill. But there’s no direction. I can’t see out of the window.

It’s so frustrating.

In other news, NaNo is almost here, I’m busy as hell school and workwise, going to receive my student support money today, and life is more or less okay.

I’m waiting for the end of this week so I’d have more time to figure out how to give something back to the world, even if it’s something really tiny. Every little thing counts, doesn’t it?

These challenges are obviously not working out. I haven’t kept up with a single one. Oh well.

I’m constantly tired, constantly overwhelmed by not much of anything really. My brain just keeps overworking itself. Guess I’ve finally slipped back into my regular going to school mode.

Bleh. Can’t wait for Christmas.

October Challenges!

So. First big news: I didn’t win the NASA trip. Instead, the most pointless entry in practically the whole competition won, at least in my eyes. I would not have been even half as bitter about losing if it would have been to someone who would have actually deserved it – someone who actually did something creative. All the winner submitted was a recollection of an unfunny prank he played on a friend. The story was short and not exactly well written, and pointless in general. And yet, it won.

That is the power of luck.

Whatever. I’ll get over it. Eventually.

Moving on to the subject of challenges, September was mostly made of fail. I only managed to hold up to the no alcohol challenge in the end – I missed the earliest class on the 30th, because I went to sleep too late. Oh well.

I’m planning to continue with the lecture attendance dare throughout October, though. It is a useful and not a very difficult challenge, so it is in my best interest to keep up with it. Besides, it felt kind of nice to be a good student for a change. I’ve also just decided to add another school-related challenge to the new list – not be late on any homework assignments. I was late with one in September and, even though the consequences were not catastrophic to anyone, it didn’t make me feel very proud. It’s not really all that difficult to get things done in time. All it takes is some willpower.

Another thing I’ve (just now) decided to challenge myself with is following my SparkPeople.com meal plan the whole month. It’s about time I regained control over my diet and started thinking again about what I’m doing to my body. These past few weeks I’ve let myself go completely and it doesn’t feel good at all – neither physically nor mentally. I need to be in control, and I’ve noticed that if I feel in contrl over what I eat, I feel more in control over the rest of my body as well.

Somewhat connected to the previous challenge is my desicion to stay away from any kind of sweets. I need to to this for the sake of my teeth. Not that there is anything wrong with them right now (I hope), but it’s always better to be safe than sorry, and sweets are the main culprit of most dental problems people face today. Then again, as it would be cruel to forbid myself sweets for the whole month, I’ve decided to allow myself something sweet once a week, as long as it accords with my SparkPeople meal plan, of course.

It’s not so much about losing weight (although that would be a nice bonus) as it is about being healthy and feeling good about myself and the way I treat myself. It is my way of respecting myself and my body and taking control over my everyday life. Once that first little step has been made, the success and feeling of power will start to spread to the other areas of my life, and I love that feeling. It has happened before. It can happen again.

To conclude this (probably) uninteresting rant, my current goals for the month of October (they are still subject to change, since it is still the beginning of the month):

1. Attend all uni lectures.
2. Be on time with all homework.
3. Follow SparkPeople meal plan.
4. No sweets, except once a week, as long as it is consistent with the meal plan.

There we have it. A new month, new challenges, another chance to be slightly more awesome than I already am. I swear I’ll try not to fail this time.

Stay tuned.